


Fitting

by blitzturtles



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:17:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7764607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blitzturtles/pseuds/blitzturtles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The brief flashes of the ups and downs of Hanzo and Jesse's relationship.</p><p>"Hanzo supposes that it's only fitting that a mission is what forces them to confront the situation. After all, it had been a mission and a close call that had finally pushed the two toward admitting their feelings for each other."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fitting

Early on in their relationship, Hanzo is hesitant to spend the evening in Jesse's room. There's always some sort of excuse that allows him to slip away without making the situation too uncomfortable. Some are better than others, though it doesn't matter. Jesse never pushes. It spares both of them the awkward conversations that might otherwise follow. Better to not ruin a good thing. Besides, Jesse has his own reasons to want to keep his bedroom to himself in the wee hours of the morning.

-

Hanzo supposes that it's only fitting that a mission is what forces them to confront the situation. After all, it had been a mission and a close call that had finally pushed the two toward admitting their feelings for each other.

-

They aren't that different from one another, despite what so many seem to believe. Admittedly, even Hanzo and Jesse have fallen for that more than once. It's not hard to see why. Jesse is every bit the character he dresses as. Loud and brash with seemingly no energy spent thinking about consequences. Hanzo is the opposite in many ways. To start with, he's quiet, which is the one thing Jesse McCree never has been. Not even when they're walking side by side, both lost in their own thoughts. There will always be the familiar sound of Jesse's spurs. It's a sound that Hanzo now finds soothing in its consistency.

Hanzo likes to sleep alone for a number of reasons. He's a highly trained assassin, for one. Waking up at the slightest sound is the result of life-long conditioning. He can't afford to ignore a potential threat. That is, of course, assuming he manages to get to sleep in the first place.

There have been far too many nights that have been wasted with Hanzo staring off beyond the walls of his room with his eyes fixed forward without processing what sits in front of him. It isn't a form of meditation. (No, meditation would be beneficial.) It's just a man lost in his own sins. While silence can be beneficial, it can also draw out all of his demons.

Meditation tends to be too difficult when his mind is running wide and open. With thoughts too wild to reign in. Hanzo can block out pain that would bring most men to their knees, but he cannot block the whirlwind of self-hatred that overtakes in the early hours in the morning. When he _does_ succeed, he finds himself blinking blurrily at the morning sun. By then, it's too late for him to try and get any meaningful rest.

If he does manage to get to sleep, it doesn't last for long. He tends to feel just as bad, if not worse, than before he had laid down. Then there is the mental fatigue that comes with having his worst memories thrust so abruptly to the forefront of his mind, lingering on in a way that is certain to sour his mood for the remainder of the day. There isn't a remedy for that misery. Contemplating a nap would be nothing short of idiocy. No medications would help. Or so he's convinced. He hasn't brought the subject up to anyone.

Jesse, on the other hand, sleeps like a man running from his past, with legs kicking and all. He can be found at ungodly hours smoking. The familiar scar will be pinched between two metal fingers. His right hand shakes so badly that he can barely get the cigar lit in the first place. Depending on how he's positioned, he might dig his nails into his kneecap in an attempt to keep his fingers a little steadier. It never works.

The arrangement is functional in the way that it isn't at all. They're both waiting until their legs give out from underneath them. Jesse hasn't ever been good at coping with things, and neither has Hanzo. One of them is just more likely to admit it.

-

The mission itself isn't anything significant. Information gathering. Easy stuff that has the two sharing a room together with two beds that the motel claims to be queen-sized but look more along the lines of doubles.

Jesse sits on the edge of one. The room is full of tension as Hanzo makes a point of ignoring Jesse's presence. The archer has barely spoken a word. If Jesse were any less certain in what he knows about Hanzo, he might think that he'd done something to piss the other man off. Funny thing is... he feels pretty certain that the fact that he _hasn't_ is upsetting Hanzo more. There is no excuse for Hanzo to slip away or ignore him. No excuse to ignore the problem. (Jesse isn't sure when it stopped being a situation and started being a problem in the first place, but he thinks it was probably long before now.)

"I need water," Hanzo says finally, turning sharply on his heels.

Jesse doesn't bother pointing out that they have plenty of that. Not to mention the running water in the motel. It might not be the best quality, but the point is that there isn't any real reason for Hanzo to leave.

By the time Hanzo returns-- some hours later-- Jesse is asleep on top of the covers of one bed, having fallen asleep without so much as removing his boots. The archer stands at the foot of the bed, conflicted. Part of him knows that he should at least wake Jesse up. Possibly offer his assistance, but he doesn't want to confront the man. This is his one opportunity to crawl under the covers of the adjacent bed and pretend as if nothing is wrong.

Hanzo forgoes the shower he so desperately wants. Warm water might help sooth the tension in his muscles. He needs to be calm, or he can't possibly expect the night to turn out the way he hopes. Being in separate beds will not spare him. He could stay awake. Pretend to fall asleep shortly before the time that he knows the cowboy has set his alarm for. Then again, he tends to be up before Jesse, so it wouldn't be out of character for him to already be dressed and in motion before Jesse can so much as open his eyes.

He settles on that plan.

Meditation doesn't come easily, if at all. He can't clear his thoughts. Oddly, it isn't his memories that leave him unable to do so. It's Jesse that keeps his head filled with endless worries and concerns. No doubt the cowboy believes him to be mad in some way after his earlier display. Giving an explanation might help, but Hanzo doesn't want to see judgment, whether it be from pity or something else.

This relationship of their's has always had an ending. He knew that from the beginning. There are too many conflicts, and Hanzo does not intend to remain within this reborn, haphazard version of Overwatch. An organization that had once caused the Shimada family an unending amount of grief. Though the later isn't why he intends to leave. This is not his home, nor his family. Genji has found people here. Hanzo has... he has McCree, but even that is part of another short stop in an unending life of going from one place to the next. Hanzo has a habit of speaking in certainties when, in reality, he knows very few of himself, his future, or his past. 

Hanzo gets lost in his own thoughts to the point that he jumps when Jesse lets out a soft whining sound. His hand instantly reaches for the knife he keeps tucked away, while his eyes dart around. His body is already protesting the idea of fighting. His shoulders and neck are sore from the tension held there, while his knees throb from keeping his prosthetics on well beyond the point in which he should have given his legs a rest. He's grateful he hadn't now. The loss of comfort is not equivalent to the loss of life.

Except there is nothing there to fight. Jesse kicks his leg out at an unseen enemy. Another whine escapes. It could have been words, but the way the cowboy clenches his teeth makes it impossible to tell.

Hanzo frowns, remaining completely still. He doesn't know what to do about the situation. Does waking Jesse up make it worse somehow? Are these nightmares or terrors? He knows there is a difference. Genji had suffered the latter briefly during their childhood. It had been impossible to wake him. Attempting to do so had gotten him a black eye and busted lip once, though Hanzo has little concern for physical injury.

Another few seconds pass before he makes up his mind. Hanzo moves from one bed to the other, sitting on the edge as carefully as possible. The bed still squeaks, but it doesn't seem to alert Jesse at all.

He places one hand on Jesse's shoulder. Slow and purposeful. His eyes search for any warning that he should back away. He debates the best way to wake Jesse and settles on gently shaking his shoulder while speaking softly in a mix of English and Japanese.

His words are clumsy. At least they are in English. They flow a little easier in his native language. Whether that's from the familiarity or knowing that they can't be understood, he can't say. 

Jesse startles a touch on the belated side. His eyes are wide, and his fingers twitch as if reaching for something. That's as far as he gets. His mind processes Hanzo a moment later. In an instant, the dazed confusion disappears. Jesse sits up so quickly that he almost knocks his head against Hanzo's. He would have, had the archer not moved. His hands come up to wipe at his eyes, and he's muttering apologies and excuses in a steady stream of slurred nonsense.

Hanzo surprises both of them when he reaches to take one of Jesse's hands into his own. The gesture is small but gentle. Jesse stops mid-sentence, mouth still open, and stares at the archer.

They sit like that for what seems like a solid half hour or so. Jesse breaks their staring by nodding his head, despite the fact that Hanzo hasn't said anything in just as long. Another few seconds go by and suddenly he's flopping back against the bed, pulling Hanzo down with him.

Hanzo doesn't fight the change in position. They have been affectionate without the mood being sexual before or after, yet this feels different somehow. Still, he rests his head on Jesse's chest while tucking the rest of himself against the larger man's side. One thing he has always enjoyed about Jesse is just how warm the cowboy's skin is.

The room is quiet for long enough that Hanzo wonders once more. His thoughts are largely mundane. His mind continuously wonders aimlessly until they eventually circle back to Jesse in some way. He doesn't even notice when Jesse's grip on his hand has loosened around the time when his breathing evens out. Nor does he recognize the telltale signs of his own body succumbing to much needed sleep.

-

Surprisingly, they don't speak on the subject after that first night. They _do_ start sleeping together. Jesse gradually begins to put the pieces together, though he seems to have come to the conclusion that Hanzo is more of an insomniac than a man who suffers from nightmares on a regular basis. 

At least until the day when Hanzo returns from a long, drawn out mission in the middle of the day to promptly pass out on top of Jesse. The cowboy doesn't take it too heart... even if they had been getting a bit handsy a moment ago. 

Re-situating them is a bit tricky. Hanzo's light, but he wakes too easily. After a few tries and a bit of stirring (with mumbled protests on Hanzo's part), Jesse gives up to settle in for the long haul.

The nightmares start maybe an hour in. Jesse can't quite remember, and he hadn't thought to look at a clock beforehand. His arms wrap tighter around the archer. He only loosens his grip long enough to undo the tie holding Hanzo's hair up still. He should have thought about that earlier, but Jesse doesn't bother beating himself up over it. Not when he can make up for it by brushing his fingers through Hanzo's hair. He smooths it out as well as he can while his metal fingers trace Hanzo's spine until the tension in his muscles begins to fade. Hanzo's features soften. Still, Jesse keeps carding his fingers through Hanzo's hair. His metal hand presses flat against Hanzo's back, holding him securely to his chest.

He could stay like this forever if it meant Hanzo got a decent amount of sleep for a change.

-

A year always seems much shorter once it's passed. Jesse feels like the days drag on, even when it reaches the last few weeks, but he thinks this year has gone faster than most. He supposes that's the difference when he has something good in his life to look forward to again. He isn't constantly bombarded with all the bad news that constantly filters into daily life. He can look forward to the idea of sitting with Hanzo in their shared room at the end of the night. Sometimes it's quiet and still, others it's not. Either way, he looks forward to the end of the day. Looks forward to crawling into bed despite his nightmares and the idea of waking up again to hear about another bombing or assassination.

The new Overwatch is still in need of some TLC, but it's growing, both in number and strength. It's a good thing, whether or not the rest of the world realizes it. They can make a difference again, and Jesse is starting to feel like he's got his family back with Angela there to patch him up (and lecture him), and Morrison around to shout orders (and also lecture him), and Ana returning (possibly with the sole motivation of catching up on _years_ of lecturing him), and Hanzo at his side. And everyone else, new and old.

It isn't all perfect. He and Hanzo have had their fights. They don't always get resolved easily, considering they both have more pride than either of them has any right to. It works out somehow. Sometimes Jesse is convinced that it's divine intervention. (More realistically, Genji is a sneaky bastard with too much time and a boyfriend that is all too happy to oblige Genji's desire to keep his brother on the right track. Happiness included.)

The nightmares haven't gone away either. They have an easier time coping. Hanzo reacts to Jesse's distress without even waking. His tendency to press closer and hold tighter seems to be as reflexive as the archer's habit of reaching for a weapon at the slightest hint of trouble.

Jesse tends to be less discrete. A lot less discrete, really. He likes doting on Hanzo. Enjoys seeing the man struggle internally over the idea of being spoiled or treated in a way that he doesn't think he deserves. He knows Hanzo worries about the idea that Jesse might somehow get fed up with all the trouble and walk away, which is all the more motivation to show him otherwise.

Besides, Jesse isn't a walk in the park to deal with, and he damn well knows it. Especially when Hanzo is making a fuss right now over his latest injuries; fingers fretting over the stitches Jesse had gone to _Mercy_ for rather than doing himself this time. For Hanzo's sake. And the archer still worries.

"I'm fine, darlin'," Jesse insists for the umpteenth time with a lazy smile on his features before Hanzo can actually open his mouth to protest the claim further.

All he gets in return is a huff and annoyed mutters spoken in a language Jesse doesn't know much of. The thing with that is that curses are a bit like bullets, so he can't help laughing at the colorful word choice. This time he gets a light smack to the knee as punishment, which has him laughing harder.

Hanzo doesn't look up from where he's scrutinizing Jesse's thigh, but the cowboy can make out a faint smile on Hanzo's lips.

-

There are days when Jesse can't bring himself to go see Hanzo, usually when he's been away for awhile. Instead he lies in bed alone with his knees pulled in to make himself smaller. As if that could possibly make up for the lack of warmth that having Hanzo had provided so many times before. 

Even as the years had passed, they'd maintained their separate rooms. Much of their time had been spent in Jesse's. His quarters are the ones they almost exclusively called 'their's for those three years. They'd even had the rest of the team doing it.

Days like these are when Jesse realizes how much of an idiot he truly is. To think that there had ever been something that he didn't want to experience with Hanzo... he'd wanted to do everything with him.

Jesse knows that most good things come to an end. He's had his family and friends torn from him before. Had his life flipped upside down, and been left to try and pick himself back up.

In the end, he supposes that it's only fitting that a mission is what tears them apart. It ends as abruptly as it started with frantic hands and desperate words.


End file.
